The Slip (of paper with the winner’s name, which is Trent Reznor)

I’ve noticed that every time Trent Reznor wins a Golden Globe or Academy Award, everyone likes to tweet about it while quoting a Nine Inch Nails song. For example:

Trent won this award like an animal!

Trent wants to f#@& this Golden Globe like an animal!

I want an animal to f#@& Trent with his Oscar!

Trent won! This is truth and not a TERRIBLE LIE!

These are pretty great tweets, right? I made them up on the spot. They’re along the same lines as some actual ones I saw and in the same proportion I usually notice, with 75% going to the famous “Closer” lyric I want to f#@& you like an animal and 25% to “Terrible Lie.”

Don’t get me wrong. These tweets are good. But Nine Inch Nails is more than just these two songs! So I’ve taken the time to compose some awesome NIN-lyric tweets for you to use the next time Trent Reznor wins an award.

The song on which each tweet is based is in brackets. And feel free to use the actual award name in place of “award.” You’re welcome!

Don’t you f#@&ING know what Trent is? An award winner! [You Know What You Are]

Bow down in position against the polished steel… OF TRENT’S AWARD! [Meet Your Master]

An award for Trent! That’s what HE GETS! That’s what HE GETS! That’s what HE GETS! [That’s What I Get] - I capitalized HE GETS so people really get the joke

There is no LOSE there is only WIN! There is no LOSE there is only WIN! There is no f#@&ing LOSE there is only WIN! There is no f#@&ing LOSE there is only WIN! [Only] - this one is long, you may have to shorten

Well Trent used to stand for something. Now he’s on his hands and knees. Traded in his god for this one. And he signs his name with a capital S for SELL-OUT! [Capital G] - use this one if you think Trent is a sell-out

Trent has won tonight! Now we can all sleep soundly and everything is all right. [March of the Pigs]

Trent picks things up! He is a collector! AN AWARD COLLECTOR. [The Collector]

Oh my God, can THIS SHOW go any faster? Oh my God, I don’t think I can last here WATCHING THIS SHOW. [Vessel] - use this one if you want to quote NIN and are bored with the show

Blood hardens in the sand, cold metal in his hand. And by cold metal I mean Trent’s award! [The Good Soldier] - always funny if you say “and by BLANK I mean BLANK”

Hey can TRENT stop (winning awards)? HIM, HE’S not (going to stop winning awards)! [Me, I’m Not] - this one’s a little cumbersome, but I promise, the “right” people will “get it.”